The story of Akatsuki's strange surrender
by Jun Hirasami
Summary: Itachi has been turned into a weasel! What will happen when Akatsuki surrenders to find a cure? CRACK FIC! NO YAOI! Accidental OOCness...sorry! T for Hidan's stuff...DISCONTINUED NO LONGER! Please review! ON HOLD.
1. Chapter 1

Itachi is LITERALLY a weasel! What will happen in this crazy crack-fic? Well READ IT! R&R please :)

"_What the…_" Itachi thought as he woke up. "Why am I all…furry?" he asked aloud. His voice only sounded like a…..weasel? "Something isn't right…" he thought to himself. Slowly, he trudged over to his mirror. A few seconds later, screams of horror could be heard as he saw his reflection. Why? He was a…..weasel. "Okay, I know I've been called a weasel, but this is TOO FAR!" he squeaked/weasel-yelled. "Alright, WHO DID THIS?" he yelled. In weasel form, anyway. "Itachi?" Kisame guessed. After all, most weasels don't have a black pony-tail. Itachi nodded. "Why are you a….weasel?" Kisame asked, trying to stifle a laugh. After all, it isn't every day you see a weasel walk into your kitchen screaming bloody murder. Itachi shrugged, regaining (some of, anyway) his cool. "Here, try this," said Kisame, handing him a piece of paper and a pencil. Itachi scribbled, then handed it to Kisame. "Don't know. Woke up like this. What is it?" Kisame recited from the paper. "Sorry, buddy. I dunno what it is. Let's ask the others, hm?" he suggested. Itachi nodded. They walked over to the main hall, knocking on everybody's doors. "Konan? Deidara? Hidan? Anybody?" Kisame yelled. "Shut up, we're trying to Fucking SLEEP, DAMMIT!" Hidan yelled. "Sor-ry! Sheesh, I thought you'd like to know Itachi has been turned into a weasel!" Kisame retorted. "Nobody gives anything, about him or you, Captain-Sushi, yeah!" Deidara said, stuffing a pillow over his/her head. Then, his/her alarm clock went off. "Damn," Deidara said. Wiping the sleep from his/her eyes, he trudged out of bed. "Need….coffee…..yeah…." Deidara said. **(A.N.:/I'm just gonna start calling Deidara "it".) **It walked down the hall. "Yo, Sasori, my man, get your ass outta bed! You too, Kakazu! Yeah!" Deidara called. "Okay, okay! Sheesh!" Sasori called. "Oh, by the way, Itachi got turned into a weasel, yeah," Deidara said. "What? That could cost TENS to treat! Can't we just kick him out?" Kakazu called. "Aw, shut up!" Konan yelled. "Mornin' sleeping-beauty. At that, Konan rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Zetsu! You aren't a morning person either." She said. "True, but at least I don't greet people by telling them to shut up." "Hey, where's Tobi? I wanna know so I don't fall down the stairs…again." Konan said, changing the subject. The last time she was glomped, she fell down the stairs. "Tobi right here!" Tobi said. "Great…" Zetsu said, the plant dude rolling his eyes. "Tobi saw a weasel that looks just like 'Tachi. "That's 'cause it is, moron." "Oh..." Tobi said. With that, he shoved her down the stairs. "Uh, OOOOWWWW!" Konan said. "Hey, where's Leader?" "How the fucking hell am I supposed to know?" Hidan said/asked. Next chap: where's Leader?


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Chapter 2! Where has Leader been? Oh, btw, this is pre-shippuden.**

"I'm over here! HELP!" The Akatsuki looked out the window to see their leader stuck on the edge of a cliff. "Why in God's name are you stuck there?" Sasori yelled. "I dunno! I woke up like this! Shut up and help me!" Leader replied. "Y'know, it's funny. It isn't even 7:15 in the morning, and yet we've said 'shut up' about 20 times," Zetsu said. Then they all went out back to help their leader. "Grab this!", "GRAB THE F* ROPE!" and "YOU BETTER NOT RIP THIS ROPE! IT COST $3.99!"'s could be heard as the Akatsuki struggled to pull up their Leader. "Whew, thanks guys! NOW GET TO WORK OR YOU'RE FIRED!" Leader said. "Wait, yeah! Itachi has been turned into a weasel!" Deidara said. "What the…" Leader said, as there was a human-sized weasel with a….pony-tail? "WHO THE HELL DID THIS? ITACHI'S ONE OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT MEMBERS!" could be heard, shortly followed by an avalanche. "Tobi says he did it," Tobi said.

**Meanwhile…in the Leaf Village…..**

"Shikamaru, why are we looking at the clouds?" Chouji asked. "It's the one thing that isn't troublesome," the lazy pineapple-haired guy replied. "Oh. Hey, since when do clouds whistle?" "Clouds don't- HOLY S*! MOVE!" Shikamaru yelled, pushing his friend out of the way from a flying Akatsuki member. "Tobi says owwwwww…." Tobi said, rubbing his head after smashing head first into a tree. Luckily, his mask took most of the blow. "Warning, you are in the Leaf Village! Surrender or DIE!" Tobi turned to see 20-something ANBU standing there. "Tobi sorry! He just got beaten to a pulp! I surrender! MAMA!" Tobi said, hugging his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth. "Okay, raise your hands!" The ANBU captain said, taking safety precautions. Tobi did as he was told, walking over to the Hokage tower in custody. "Lady Tsunade? We've apprehended an Akatsuki member!" an ANBU said searching for his village's leader. "Really? YES! Wait, does he have an orange mask?" Tsunade asked, obviously enthusiastic. "Well, he did, but it exploded on impact," another ANBU replied. "Impact? Whatcha 'talkin 'bout?" "Well, he gained access to the village by way of flight," "Great, they have access to blimps, whooptie-doo,""Not exactly, he says he was punched by his leader," "Really? Sheesh," Tsunade said. "Tobi says 'Tachi is a weasel," Tobi cut in. "'Tachi? You mean Itachi? As in, **THE ITACHI**?" it was obvious that was who he meant, but Tsunade just felt like teasing him. Tobi nodded. "Tobi says he is furry with a pony-tail," Tobi explained. "Ah, well, take us to the Akatsuki hideout, and if they surrender and allow us to humiliate them and any other sort of punishment, perhaps we'd consider letting them re-join the village," "Tobi agrees," and with that, he led them to the Akatsuki.

**With teh Akatsuki! Woo!**

Deidara shielded it's eyes from the sun as it looked up to see his colleague flying out of sight. "Nice hit, Pein," Konan said. "Thanks, wait, what if he leads them here?" he replied. "We might as well surrender anyway, we obviously don't know anything about Mr. Freak of Nature the 2nd over there," Zetsu said. "Hey, if he's the 2nd, then who's the 1st?" Sasori asked. "Captain Sushi," Zetsu replied, nodding towards a ticked Kisame. "Hey, it's not my fault my Mom's a goldfish!" Kisame retorted. "Hey, wait a sec, did I just hear rustling?" Kakazu asked.

**Next chap: What's the cure?**

**Thanks for reading! Please review! This is meh first fic so sry if it isn't good!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! This is whatcha get when you stay up till 3 AM… Anyway!**

"ATTACK!" could be heard as the ANBU attacked the Akatsuki. "We surrender!" Sasori yelled above the chaos. "Okay then!" the ANBU cap'n replied. (wow, they give up easy lol) "Okay, we have Sasori, Konan, Kakazu, Zetsu, Deidara, Hidan, Pein and Kisame. Wait a second, where's the Uchiha?" "He's a weasel, remember?" "Oh, yeah," and w/ that, the Akatsuki were apprehended.

**TEAM 7! WOOT-WOOT!**

Team 7 was walking home from a mission when they heard the knuckle head say "My ramen senses are tingling! OUTTA MEH WAY!" and with that, Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi were shoved into a….rosebush!

**TIME SKIP: ONE HOUR LATER! HUZZAH!**

"Oooooooowwwwww….." Sakura said as she plucked yet another thorn from her arm. Then she smacked Naruto. "Hey, how was I supposed to know there was that rosebush there!" Naruto retorted, rubbing his head. " Maybe because it was HUGE. Jeez, you're even stupider than usual, dobe," "Shaddup, teme!" Naruto replied. "Okay, okay, we all know you're an idiot and you're an anti-social, emo freak!" Kakashi said, breaking up the fight. "Hey, why do I get two insults?" "Yeah, Sasuke-kun is perfect!" Sakura said. "Annoying…" Sasuke said, brushing her off like a bug. (No offense to Shino lol)

**LEAF VILLAGE! UH-HUH!**

"So…..Itachi Uchiha…..the one who murdered his entire clan, minus himself and his younger brother…is…..a…..weasel?" Tsunade asked Sasori. "Apparently…." He replied. "Why? Is it a jutsu? Did he eat something?" "We dunno, he woke up like that," "May I see him?" "Yes ma'am," "Okay," and a few minutes later, a pony-tailed weasel walked in. "He doesn't speak English, only, erm, weasel-ese, I guess you could call it…" Sasori said. "He can write just fine, though…" "Who did this?" "Tobi, but he doesn't know what he did…" "Ah. Bring in the masked guy," "okay," and then Tobi walked in.

**TEAM 7! MEEP!**

Finally, Team 7 entered the village. Then Sasuke smirked. "What?" Naruto asked. "I can sense Itachi is in extreme pain right now," "Ah," and, in an extreme coincidence, a screaming, weasel-ized Itachi ran, flailing his arms crazily. Team 7 just stood there, dumb-founded. "Was that just-?", "He looks…familiar…" "Jeez, that guy needs to shave," and "THE TIME HAS COME! AFTER ALL THESES YEARS!" were heard. Just then, Itachi turned back into his human-self, sorta. His top half, did, while the rest was weasel. Now, as you may have guessed, Sasuke sped after the shrieking weasel. He wasn't the only one, though. 12 nurses were chasing him w/ needles poised, and ready to strike. (Are theses needles or snakes?) "NO! I REFUSE TO HAVE THOSE POISONS ENTER MY SMEXY BODY!" "Pfffft, smexy my ass!" "Mr. Uchiha! You need to take these needles! They aren't poisoned! Somebody stop him!" Kakashi ran ahead and asked if he could borrow a 'lil girl's jump rope. "Sowwy, Mistew, but dis is my wucky jump wope." "Please! I swear I'll bring it back!" "Weww, okay," and so Kakashi went. He then lassoed Itachi up. (cue the banjos and cowboys) "Y'know, Sasuke, why kill him if you can do something so much better?" "Whaddya mean?" *whisper whisper* "Agreed," and then Sasuke ran to get a digital camera.

**AT TEH CAMERA PLACE! BOO-YA!**

"And, here we have a '99 Linoleum jet-ski trikraw!" The sales guy said. "I don't care! Just gimme one that's new and can zoom in!" "Okay!" and then the younger Uchiha sped off to his older brother.

**Next chap: What's the plan? Thanks a bunch for reading this! R&R please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN OVER 5 MONTHS SINCE I FUCKING UPDATED! I AM SO SORRY! AND I STARTED ANOTHER FIC! MY MIND IS SO FUCKED UP! I LET DOWN OVER 100 FANS! TTTTTT^TTTTTT D: I don't deserve any of you, wonderful, honest, innocent people reading this! Yes, I've decided to start this back up, but I think I'll just have little pieces leading up to their surrender, and I won't REST until it is finished! I meant to get this up FOREVER ago, but my computer lost the file!**

**CONTINUING: The Akatsuki have been captured and taken to a jail house. Like, a kitchen, living room, everything, except they can't leave. Also, there are jail bars surrounding it. **

**Disclaimer: Nope, nope, and HELL NO do I own Naruto, Monopoly, UNO or Naruto Shippuuden. Never will, either. Masashi-sensei knows all.**

**DAY ONE OF CAPTIVITY:**

Sasuke smirked and hid behind the bookshelf as his older brother stepped out of the bathroom with just a towel on. Sasuke took 40-something pictures and ran to post them on eBay.

Needless to say that Itachi lost the small fragment of his reputation after that. As soon as he walked out of his cell, he was covered in fan girls and couldn't move. Sasori just happened to be walking by, and high-fived Sasuke as he passed.

Itachi had eaten the last of the Lucky Charms, so that bastard deserved whatever he fuckin' got, damn it!

…Unless what he got was a paid one weeks stay in Hawaii.

He wouldn't deserve that.

Or a new car.

Or a…

Well, you see my point. Ignoring Itachi's screams for help, he walked into the living room that was isolated from society via metal bars. He then tripped over one of Deidara's clay spiders. "Damn it, brat! Pick these nauseatingly stupid toys up!" he growled. "They're not toys, un!" Dei retorted. The two then got into an argument over which was better, batman or superman…..whatever that had to do with Sasori tripping and stuff.

**After the box of cheerios blew up -**

"Staff meeting for all members of Akatsuki. Staff meeting for all members of Akatsuki." the voice on the loudspeaker announced. All members reported to the conference room…otherwise known as the kitchen. Pein turned when he heard the door open. He spoke sternly. "An important issue has come to my attention. As you should already know, especially considering the fact that I ran through our old base with a megaphone screaming it, Itachi has been turned into a half-weasel. I have called this meeting to discuss possibilities of treatment. Any suggestions?" Pein asked. There were actual cricket sounds. "Kisame, I thought I told you to get rid of that annoying bug!" Pein said, raising his voice. "I'm sorry, Leader-sama! It's just that little cricky-kins is SO KAWAII!" Kisame cried. "…..Pathetic…..Ugh, as your leader, superior and boss I hereby ORDER YOU TO DISPOSE OF THAT MENACE!" Pein roared. It was rather surprising, considering the fact he hadn't been this mad since Kakuzu had tried to sell Konan for money. Konan quietly spoke up. "Um, Nagato….have you had your medication today?" she asked. "…Yeeeessss?" Pein answered, making it obvious that he had lied. "You haven't, have you?" she questioned. "Kakuzu, get the pills, please?" she asked. Kakuzu nodded and went into the medicine chest to get them. See, Hidan thought they tasted awesome, and once ate the entire bottle. Bottle itself included. Konan had ordered Kakuzu to put them on his shelf from now on, due to the fact that she was afraid that it would happen to either Hidan again or one of the other members. She knew she could trust the stitch ninja.

Hoped, anyway.

She was currently daydreaming until Zetsu shook her shoulder. "C'mon, he's getting away! **Knock some sense into that crazy-ass motherfucker!" **both halves of Zetsu said quickly.

Soon after, Pein was force-fed his pill, and the meeting continued. Tobi, who had been returned to the base/cell thing, raised his hand. "Yes, Tobi?" Pein sighed. "Tobi thinks

we should take Itachi-senpai to see a unicorn and shove him off a cliff riding it!" Tobi said excitedly. "I'm NOT, and I repeat NOT, going to pay his medical bills when he splats on the ground." Kakuzu stated. Itachi, meanwhile, was trying to find out if there were any other pictures of himself on eBay. Apparently, some fan girl of his bought all of them. Stalkers. Itachi shivered and walked into the kitchen for some coffee, and all eyes landed on him. "What? Is there something on my face?" he asked. "Itachi…." Leader began, "We've come to a decision.". "Which would be?" Itachi questioned. "As of today, we are no longer a criminal organization." Pein said. "Well, no shit! You all surrendered as soon as the ANBU showed up!" Itachi answered, laughing. "No, I mean, until we find a cure for you, we don't have the OPTION of doing our old stuff." Pein said sternly. Itachi blinked for a few seconds. "No more kicking Sasuke on missions to retrieve the Kyuubi? No more extracting demons? No more game night?" Itachi asked. "Well, we still have game night, after all, all we do is play Monopoly and UNO." Pein said. "But I wanted to go to that badass club for criminals down the street!" Itachi whined. "Oh well." Pein said bluntly. "Because you idiots (with the exception of Konan) failed to come up with anything, I hereby dismiss you all to do whatever dumbasses do." Pein then threw down a hammer on a saucer, while wearing a powdered wig that appeared out of nowhere. Then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Konan said. She answered the door. "Hello, special delivery for a Kisame Hoshigaki." The mailman said. "Hey, Kisame! Get over here!" Konan yelled into the cell house. Kisame appeared in a poof of smoke. "Yes?" he asked. "ACK! S-s-s-sign here p-p-please, sir!" the man said quickly. You'd be scared to if you saw a man with blue scales, sharp teeth, creepy eyes and somehow managed to breathe even with gills. Kisame signed and ripped open the package. "YES YES YES! It's finally here!" Kisame yelled happily. He then proceeded to do disco while singing some random song. "Er….I'm just gonna…uh…yeah." Konan said and backed away as Kisame proceeded to do the puppet: basically the robot except Sasori was controlling him. She face-planted on the pavement after tripping over one of Dei's sculptures. "DAMN IT DEIDARAAAAAA!" she yelled. Deidara, however, was still in the deep debate with Sasori over BM or SM. Therefore, he did not expect the snow shovel that came flying through the door and hit Sasori in the head, which fell out of an open window. "Whoops! Sorry, Sasori! I was aiming for Deidara!" Konan yelled out the window. Deidara then proceeded to head for the hills, and that was the end of day one in captivity.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey again! I GOT SIXTY VIEWS FOR BOTH OF MY STORIES AND A REVIEW THIS MONTH ALONE! Thanks to the anonymous reviewer! Guys: PLEASE REVIEW! Just because you don't have an account doesn't mean your opinion matters any less! Sorry if this one seems rushed, I'm so busy w/ Terra Nova testing and have three projects due tomorrow. Eeep! Also: I'm thinking about introducing an/some OC. Opinions in reviews on that would be greatly appreciated!**

**Day two in captivity:**

Deidara panted as he leaned against the wall of their deserted shed. He had been in hiding from Konan for about three hours now, and with all of the other Akatsuki members (mainly Sasori whom wanted revenge for his head being launched out of a third story window) trying to give away his position, he certainly had to be stealthy. One false move and he'd have scars from the paper cuts he'd get. He moaned at the thought of not being able to touch lemon juice for a week.

Kakuzu was gonna kill him; he lost a bet and was forced by said stitch-ninja to keep a lemonade stand for a week for money. Kakuzu wasn't as smart as he'd seemed, though; only members could purchase lemonade.

The fact that Konan, Hidan, Tobi, Itachi and Kisame were allergic to lemons didn't help, either.

He decided to then leave the "base" for a little bit and head down to the lake he'd found the day before. He'd then realized how warm it was outside. He loved this type of weather, and decided that if he was going to be on the run from other people on the run, he'd might as well clear his mind. So, shoving his hands into his pockets, he proceeded to walk down the long path that surrounded the lake.

He listened to the chirping crickets and stopped to smell a flower every now and again. He felt so…..so…free. With that wonderful thought in mind, he flopped down on some soft grass underneath of a tree and fell into a luxurious sleep.

When he woke up, he was met with a perfectly blue sky, and shielded his eyes from the sun as it warmed his face. He stretched and let himself wake up before continuing his walk.

"_It's so….peaceful…." _Deidara thought.

He allowed him and his mind to wander as he continued strolling down the path. He smiled as a bird landed on a branch near him. It looked at him with curiosity, and turned it's head so it looked like it was beckoning for him to follow it.

Deidara obeyed without a second thought.

**I know this was rather dry in terms of comedy, but I really like how it came out. Tell me if you think so, too, in review form, please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS, LOVE AND VIEWS! I nearly cried I was so happy! Thanks so much to the anonymous reviewer! I'm making a different character for Tobi as to not give out any spoilers…:D Also: I have a couple of OC (just two) I'd like to possibly introduce later on. Lemme know whatcha think! Imma try to make this chapter super long, so…ENJOY! Sorry, I received a personal letter to try and keep profanity out…but I still say 'damn'.**

**Disclaimer: HIDAN! Hidan: What now,*bleep*? Author: DAMN IT SAY THE GOD DAMN DISCLAIMER! Hidan: God-damn? YOU SHALL DIE FOR DISRESPECTING JASHIN-SAMA! Kakuzu: Look, Hidan! Sharp stuff! Hidan: Where? *ignores/forgets about Author* Author: Whew, thanks, 'Kuzu! Kakuzu: You owe me. A lot. Author: Ugh, fine! How much? Kakuzu: $500 billion ryo. Author: NO *bleep*ING WAY, MAN! Kakuzu: Oh, Hidan~ Author: FINE! SAY THE DAMN DISCLAIMER: Kakuzu: I win :3 Author owns nothing except this *bleep*y story. Read,*bleep*es. GO, KISHIMOTO! Author: Thanks…wait, whadaya mean '*bleep*y story'? DIE! **

**Moving on…**

Itachi and Kisame were returning from a mission when they found Konan screaming out orders from the living room.

"ZETSU! GO SCOPE OUT THE BASE!"

"HIDAN! TAKE YOUR SCYTHE AND CHOP UP ANY SUSPICIOUS LOOKING TREES!"

"SASORI! GET MEH A SAMMICH!"

Itachi sidestepped as Tobi attempted to glomp him, being happy that they were back.

Sorry Itachi fans (no not really), but said weasel fell down the stairs

…

again.

**Meanwhile:**

Deidara looked around the forest that the little bird led him through. It started getting creepier and creepier.

"Uh…." Deidara said, unsure if he should really continue following the little bird…who had begun to turn into a quite evil-looking person who looked like an Uchiha.

"Hello….Senpai," a dark voice said.

"What do you mean 'Senpai', un? You aren't bouncy as Tobi, so quit acting, " Deidara stated, his visible eye narrowing. He sure as hell didn't know this guy, so….

Creepy, much?

But it was then that the stranger pulled out an all-too familiar orange mask, Deidara's visible eye going wide.

"It is I…Akira Uchiha, or 'Tobi' to you," the "stranger" said.

**A little later:**

Itachi was taking out the garbage when he heard frantic pounding on the back door. He opened it to see a very disturbed Deidara holding an orange lollipop mask, said artist looking battered with his hair a mess.

…

…

..

"What the hell happened to you?" Itachi asked.

"Tobi….creepy….stranger….help me…" Deidara panted before limply falling over.

Itachi sighed and called in Sasori, and held him back from killing the redhead's blonde partner.

"He's already practically dead, y'know," Itachi pointed out.

"THEN I'LL FINISH THE JOB! Because of him I had to make Konan a triple-decker hoagie with literally EVERYTHING!" Sasori screeched.

It took Itachi many years to regain his hearing.

**Deidara's POV**

I woke up in a familiar room, looked down and saw familiar sheets, and saw a familiar redhead across the room, sleeping in a familiar bed. I looked out the window and realized it was night. I realized I had been holding something, and looked down to see….

An orange mask.

**Time skip: five hours later:**

I was walking down the hall and chatted to a familiar blue-skinned man as I did so.

"So now I can't remember anything except what Akira wanted me to…which is very little, un," I said to the tall man-fish. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"A-a-Akira? As in, 'Akira UCHIHA'?" the man screeched.

I offered a puzzled look and nodded.

"I must report this to Leader-sama. Later, kid!" he yelled over his shoulder.

I nodded, confused, and gave a small wave.

What's going on?

**Pain's POV**

I was filling out some paperwork when one of my only blue-haired members burst through the door.

"Leader…sama…need…to…talk…" Kisame panted.

I answered with a yes and he sat down.

**Time skip**

"So, what you're telling me is, our youngest member met up with AKIRA UCHIHA, one of the most widely-known villains in ALL of the five nations?" I asked, alarmed.

"Yes, he also claims to be Tobi, and he placed Deidara under what seems to be a genjutsu. I can't break him through it," Kisame replied.

"I'm calling a meeting. NOW. Deidara MUST be there."

"Hai, Leader-sama."

**In the **kitchen:

"Is everyone present and accounted for?" I asked.

"Hai, Leader-sama," the members said in unison.

"Remind me why we're *bleep*ing here?" a silver-haired immortal asked.

"We're here," I began, "because Deidara had an encounter with Akira Uchiha, and was placed under a genjutsu,"

Gasps and OMGs were heard, and all eyes went to said blonde.

"What, hm? You know what my face looks like," Deidara said.

"Deidara, this is very serious. Akira is one of the most dangerous and threatening shinobi of all of the nations. I doubt even I could win a battle against him," I said.

Deidara's visible eye widened.

"So…you're saying…I could have died, un?" he asked.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. That's why we're holding this meeting. We need to know EXACTLY what you remember; the fate of our organization could depend on it," I answered dramatically.

"Well, all that I really remember is him calling me 'senpai'…then he pulled out an orange lollipop mask, and said that if I didn't comply to what he told me to do, I'd die, yeah," he said.

All eyes moved from the speaker to the 29-year-old who's intelligence was less than that of a rock.

Seriously. We had a contest once.

"What? Does Tobi have something on Tobi's face?" he asked.

"Tobi. We need you to give Deidara his memory back."

"No."

"What was that?"

"No."

I then proceeded to try and punch the masked man…to find he had used a cloning technique.

We lost him.

I turned to Deidara to ask him if Akira had said anything else, only to find that he was unconscious.

"Kakuzu, give Deidara medical attention and try to break him out of the genjutsu! Itachi, you and Sasori help him! The rest of you, we must find Tobi! GO!" I screamed.

The worst that could happen and of course it does!

**The plot thickens!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Yo yo yo Author in da HOUSE! We're back with hopefully an even better chapter! I apologize for the ridiculously long update breaks, but my teacher has been cramming all of these last-second assignments in before the summer which, here in the U.S., is only a little less than three months away! *Le gasp* I've been in a bit of a slump lately, so that contributed some, too, but I'm in a better mood now so I wanted to get back to work! Hope you likey! Also: Want any OC?**

**Disclaimer: Hey Kisame! Kisame: Hm? Oh, right, happy birthday, **

**Author-san! Author: Kisame, my birthday wasa week ago (YES REALLY!). I meant the other thing. Kisame: Oh! Author-san owns nothing except this story thingy. Kishimoto owns everything. Also: REVIEW OR SAMEHADA AND I WILL HAVE A LITTLE FUN CHOPPING YOU INTO SUSHI! LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT! Author: O-kay-eee…Um, let's go to the story?**

**Normal POV**

Tobi wandered through the forest, smirking under his mask as he did so.

"Those fools…actually believing I was that idiotic tool Akira. Bah. Such an insult!" he said to himself.

"But, hey, do I really want them to find out my true identity?" he thought out loud.

**Meanwhile- In Kakuzu's lab/medical care/whatever**

"C'mon, Deidara! Wake up! If you die I'll lose AT LEAST a week's worth of pay!" Kakuzu said worriedly.

It had been at least three hours since Deidara had been under the genjutsu, maybe more, and said bomber hadn't even shown a sign that he was still alive other than the reassuring rising and falling of his chest.

He had only been considered even moderately stable for an hour. Kakuzu sighed and went to go and change the water for the cloth on Deidara's forehead. Dei's cheeks were red and his face had a few beads of sweat from fever. The genjutsu being used was still unclear- even Itachi hadn't the faintest idea what it was. The only other option was to capture "Akira" and try to force him to speak-which was very unlikely to happen. Ahem. Kakuzu reentered the laboratory with a bowl of fresh water and a concerned expression underneath his mask. He was startled to see the youngest Akatsuki member sitting on the edge of the bed with his gaze focused on the clock.

"D-D-Deidara?" was the only thing that Kakuzu managed to splutter before remembering that he now had to report to Leader-sama with the details.

"Right, uh…stay right here!" the stitch ninja said hurriedly before

speed-walking down the hall. Why? 'Cause S-ranked criminals are too cool to run…or too lazy. Whichever. However, he neglected to ask why Deidara had been looking at the clock with an "OMG something pretty damn bad's gonna happen lieksavemehplz" expression on his face for so long.

Pffft. Like _that_ mattered.

Anyway, he burst through Pain's door and began to talk so fast he sounded more retarded than Tobi dumping coffee, soda, sugar, MONSTER, RedBull and 5 Hour Energy into a bowl and drinking it.

"Say WHAT?" Pain asked, blinking as he did so.

Kakuzu panted.

"Deidara…breathing…awake…sleepy…" and with that, Kakuzu was unconscious.

Pain stood over him, a confuddled expression on his face. Then, realization hit. Hauling Kakuzu's limp body, he ran as fast as he could over to the lab and threw said rag doll's body on one of the beds. He saw Deidara and he immediately froze.

…..

…..

…..

"Leader-sama? Why am I here and why don't I remember anything except being knocked out and a clock always being shown with a creepy voice in my head?"

**No, I remember Tobi…as much as I may not want to…**

**Tobi's POV**

I'm surprised Itachi didn't tell them that Akira died years ago on a mission…and he knows my true identity. I wonder why he hasn't alerted anyone of my true being? Oh well…and soon my plan shall be revealed…

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

**How bizarre, my dearies…**


	8. Chapter 8

**We're ba-ack! Thanks SO MUCH for over 250 views! I'VE NEVER HAD SO MANY! Anyway, in order to thank you all, I'm going to try to update every three days! Yes, you heard me correctly, EVERY THREE FRIGGIN DAYS! :D So...YO DISCLAIMER!**

**Disclaimer: CURSE YOU KISHIMOTO! ONE DAY NARUTO WILL BE MINE! Naruto: DUDE! I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE! Author: I meant as in series wise, dumbass. Also: NO I DON'T OWN NUTTIN!**

**WHHOOOSSHH!**

**Normal POV**

Pain stared at Deidara, blinking.

"Creepy...voice? And a clock?" he asked, very confused.

"Yeah..." Deidara answered.

"Hey, wait a sec, where's that thing at the end of your sentences?"

"Huh?"

"Y'know, you'd almost always grunt at the end of your sentences."

"...Ano...I don't remember..."

"You'd always say 'un' or 'hm' or 'yeah' at the end of your sentences."

"That sounds like a stupid habit..."

"hm..."

"See my point? You still say it!"

"I guess I do..." Deidara replied.

"Anyway, about that clock. What time was it when it stopped?" Pain asked.

"...What time is it now, hm?" Deidara asked.

"About 4:00," Pain answered.

Deidara went pale and began to tremble.

"D-Deidara?" Pain asked, taken aback by the younger of the two's bizarre reaction.

"I-I…was supposed…to stop this…" Deidara said. He then passed out (again).

Suddenly, three large beasts busted down the door of the base. The members closest to said door (whom were Hidan and Kisame) attempted to fight off the enemies, only to be thrown into separate walls. Pain quickly rushed into the living room (the room where the front door was) and asked what the trio wanted.

"We need the blond one!" the first one roared.

The other two grunted in agreement.

Just as this happened, our half-weasel-ified character walked in, returning from the grocery store. One of the monsters noticed him and fell to its knees.

"Oh, great Weasel-sama! We have found you! Please come to rule our almighty castle!" the third begged. (SCREW THE SECOND!)

"Uh….Would someone PLEASE tell me as to why all of these people are calling me 'Weasel-sama'?" Itachi asked.

"None of us could tell you!" Konan said quickly, dodging another gigantic fist that came her way.

"Itachi! Grab Kisame and Hidan and have them guard Deidara! Zetsu! Get Kakuzu awake and tell him that I ordered him to try to revive Deidara! Itachi, after you've finished with Kisame and Hidan, join Konan, Sasori and I as we try to fend of these guys! THOSE ARE ALL ORDERS! GO!" Pain commanded from his current position of countering an arm aimed towards him. The others did as said.

**Now over to our Bomber's point of view while this is going on**

"I'm plunging through darkness…falling….diving…..sliding away from that crack of light at the top…

I'm worried.

I'm scared.

I'm unsure.

What if I see that clock again?

What if the creepy voice returns, like a serpent to its lair?

No, Deidara, you can't think of that. Come on. You're Deidara. Of the Akatsuki. Wanted in all 5 Nations for expressing your art. Think. How can I escape?

Can I claw my way out?

No, that would only make my fingers bleed.

Can I find a wall and look for branches I could possibly grab?

No, I can't see anything, save for that crack of light. If I try to glide over to a rock face or something, then I could just as well be moving away from it.

Wait: Do I have any clay left?

Duh, why the hell didn't I think of that in the first place….

CRAP! I forgot to get more in that damned pouch! Stupid forgetfulness!

Ugh, oh well. I guess I am going to die young. You were right, Sasori-no-danna.

Well, world, it wasn't that great knowing you. See ya.

…

…

…

Ahem. See ya.

…

…

…

SEE YA.

…

…

How the hell am I not dead yet?"

I just finished thinking those thoughts when I felt my entire front hit something so that I was in full face-plant position.

Yeah. Ow.

Anyway, I picked myself up off the apparently wooden floor and noticed a box in front of me.

A box?

Cardboard?

I opened the box with curiosity. Inside, I found….

Another box. Only made of wood.

I tried to pry that one open, but it needed a key.

The keyhole was small….I'd only see one key that size before….actually, I'd seen that _box _before.

But, from where?

A dream? In one of the other members' rooms? From my childhood?

Ding ding ding.

I had received that key and box from my mother before she left on that mission…

_Flashback (YES A FREAKING FLASHBACK)_

"_Here you go, Dei-chan. I have to go on a mission for a little while, but Akio will be watching you. Be good, Dei-chan, and please don't open that box until you absolutely need some backup or aren't sure what to do," Kaa-san said. _

_That was the last time I ever saw her._

_I couldn't believe that she left me with Akio. He was Kaa-san's boyfriend, and he treated her like dirt. He punched me a few times, too. I often asked her why she hadn't left him, but she would say that he " a truly kind man, he just needs a little bit of help in opening up."_

_He was NOT a kind man._

_The day that she left, Akio picked me up and threw me into a wall. I bit my lip in pain and had the nerve to look at Akio._

"_Why…" I murmured._

"_Why won't you stop hurting me and Kaa-san?"_

_Akio just laughed._

"_Kayo? She's not your mother. Your real one ditched you on the side of the road and Kayo found you. She said it was selfish to ditch a kid on the side of the road, but she's hypocritical. She just walked out on both of us, kid," Akio said._

_I was shocked, but I refused to believe it._

"_No, she'd never do that! She's Kaa-san! She'd never leave!" I screamed through my blinding tears._

_Akio just smirked and gave me some more beatings._

"_Of course she'd walk out on a whiny little biatch like you. It was nice of her to leave you to me, now I won't be bored," Akio said, a strange and scary glint in his beady, bloodshot eyes._

_After that, I was basically his personal slave (not bed slave, thank Kami) for the next 6 months before I finally left in the middle of the night._

I shook myself of those thoughts and reached in my pocket for that key.

Who cares if she left? For a little while, she really did care….

Anyway, I put the key in the slot and turned it. It opened, and I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

That box was full of pictures of me and Kaa-san.

When we were visiting Auntie Masumi, when we were in that field of cherry blossom trees…

I backed up into a wall and slid to the point that my knees were up to my chest.

Then a bright light was shining in my face.

It molded itself into the shape of…Kaa-san?

"Deidara-chan, or 'kun' I should probably say by now, I want you to know that I will always be with you, and I only want what's best for you. Now come on, get out of here and help your friends," Kaa-san said.

I opened my eyes and I was in the bed I was in before, only with Kisame-no-danna and Hidan standing next to the bed.

"Hey, look, he's awake!" Kisame said.

"Oh, yeah. I guess he (fucking) is! Come on!" Hidan and Kakuzu yelled and grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the living room, where we all started battling monsters that apparently wanted me.

WTH?

**I know it was dry on humor but, hey, I tried!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Yo, we're back! I know about the whole editing thing. I is sorry! I had to do a HUGE tri-fold board yesterday. Anyway.**

**Disclaimer: Konan-chan? Konan: Hm? Oh, yeah. TSUMICHII-CHAN OWNS NOTHING SO SUE AND I GIVE JU PAPERCUT, BIATCHES!**

"HARK! I SEE THE ONE WE SEEKETH FOR YONDER!" one of the beasts said. "Oh, you just HAD to watch Skaekesphere (I know wrong spelling) again, didn't you?" one of the others asked, face-palming. "Hey, Hamlet's great!" the other said.

"Ahem, aren't we supposed to be trying to beat the crap out of each other now?" Pain interrupted.

"Oh, yeah…LOOK! OVER THERE!" one of them said in reply.

-10 seconds later-

"What, I don't see- HEY! GET BACK HERE!" Pain said.

"NO WAY!" one of the beasts (the one carrying Dei-san) yelled over his shoulder.

All of the Akatsuki members hastily ran after them. Suddenly, Sasori was hit with realization.

"DAG NAB IT! I FORGOT THAT DEIDARA BROUGHT OUT HIS CLONES!" Sasori said, angrily.

"Dag nab it? And you people call me old…" Itachi said.

"Anyway, Sasori, you're saying that we could have grabbed a fake by mistake?" Pain asked.

"Yep."

They could hear a far off poof in the distance.

"Yes. Definitely a fake."

"RETREAT BACK TO THE BASE!" Pain yelled.

-15 minutes later-

Pain and Sasori busted the door down.

"DEIDARA!" the two likely Irish folk yelled in unison.

"Over here, hm!" Deidara called.

He had been duct-taped to a wall. With feathers glued to his face.

WTH?

**I know mega short but I tried!**


End file.
